Stan, let me take this opportunity to apoligize in advance of what I am about to say.
I don't completly disagree with your position on Christmas, It is a stressful and expensive time of the year, thus adding unwanted pressure on the "MAN" in the house.
I noticied that you stated that "you" hate Chrismas, then you proceeded to explain how your wife makes you do everything short of dancing on your hands in a santa suit.
So with that said, I would like to say to you what I would say if you were here in NJ and you were one of my good friends.
"Yo Stan, why the F@*K don't you stop squattin when you piss!! tell your wife, Yea I'll set up the elf's, down at the rifle range! F@*K them..... OH! and you want Mistletoe? Here ya go, now that it's hanging you can kiss my A$$ under it!! A tree, sure we can get a tree, get in that car I bought ya and go down to Wal Mart and buy one, Ill set it up after the Niner game and and a twelve pack, fugettaboutit.... Something like that...
Thats how i said it, during my first marriage You don't have to thank me, I consider it a favor for a friend