Advise on becoming a Redneck'

seasquirrel · October 17, 2012

Pee off the porch? Childs play! To wave at the nearest greasy handed, butt crack showin neighbor who lives up the dirt road a piece as you drain it off the porch (made of pallets) is a given. That goes for sis and the little mrs. too! Want to really impress them, piss off the roof! Remember... point it straight at them so they cant see how long your hammer is. Another tip for the fancier folks who can afford a cell phone and embrace modern technologies is to take a video of the piss stream you cut loose out of your tree stand after you whack back a few and send it to all your contacts including your mother. Budweiser is like mothers milk BTW, a true necter of the gods. If you really want your new neighbors to raise their low brows and give you the official nod which is a quick downward twitch of the head (which you will come to know as only a red neck would), you need to fill your wifes doe tag out the bedroom window before you leave for work with nothing on but your piss stained "whitey not so tighties" (cause you been running them for better part of a week)

You already have the diesel powered truck but a "diesel fumes make me horny" sticker emblazend on the back window will make the little misses envied by all the girls at the bowling alley. Just a couple ideas for you buddy! You have promise I have to say. Maybe a educational field trip to Pharsalia to see Andy and maybe a trip to the Mcdonough general store for a slice of bologna is in order. I cant wait to come see your new place Pete. I want to put the crosshairs on that handicapped boar you have gimpin (redneck for limping) around your spread. From the ****ter window of course! Tree any three of these suggestions which can be considered a redneck tri-fecta Pete and you will have every redneck, purpleneck and even the patriarchal MAROON NECKS given you the welcome nod as you pass by them doing 90 on the hard road into town

seasquirrel · October 17, 2012

These responses have me :rofl: :rofl: Good stuff guys. Some responses are stuff only a fellow redneck would know!

Lip Rippers · October 17, 2012

in your front yard get a old cast iron bath tub place it up on concrete blocks fill it with water and start a fire under it "redneck hot tube" you will be the envy of all your neighbors

ray koziatek · October 17, 2012

Man with all the great tips i feel im not needed on this site anymore,maybe i missed a few ...Guess ill go sit on the couch and clean my shotgun on the front porch. Used to have a rocker out there but the couch i found along the road is real comfy,with plent of room for Duke. Not many flat stones wher i live but i found old tires make a sweet fence if ya stack em right . I like to stick a 55gal barrel under the downspout then ya can dip the laddel without going in the house for a sip. Hey speekin of barrels yer gonna need a good burn barrel,take my advice on this one and dont try them thar plastic ones they are purdy but seem to melt pretty quick.

Hey probly shouldnt give away the oll ladys secret idea ,But she got them chickens to roost on the back porch,so she ant gotta waddel out to the coop no more to get some eggs.

dam the rooster just let loose guess its time to go check the fire ..............................under the still!

BSmaster · October 17, 2012

I forgot bumper stickers. There was a P/U down the road from me with the classic "Git R Dun" bumper sticker on it and last week I saw a 15 inch bumber sticker that said "I B o o bies" on an old Jimmy. I also forgot T - shirts and hats. Someone mentioned John Deere ealrier but to me that's just a farmers hat. If you get it from the county fair, its redneck.

Also, judging by some recent posts in the trib section, Some might think you have to grab your reef pole and rig with power pro and 4oz drop shot and go get sum salmons. Those salmons really go after those crazy eggs this time of year. :lol:

on the lam · October 17, 2012

I'm speechless... Redneck overload!!!!!

Sharky · October 17, 2012

Gray you are the master, you are like the yoda of rednecks. :yes: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: is that enough beer?

Gill-T · October 17, 2012

You might as well consider a lift kit for your truck......and throw in a set of truck-nuts while you are at it. A raccoon tail off the antenna is a nice touch.

seasquirrel · October 17, 2012

Gray you are the master, you are like the yoda of rednecks. is that enough beer?

Its a good start Glenn :rofl: :rofl:

muskybob · October 17, 2012

Anyway after all the thought that has gone into this, and all the different ways I could try to fit in, I have come to the conclusion that it will just never work! and thats because there is one thing that keeps popping up! that one thing that will just not go away,

the ultimate disqualifer, the grand daddy of all things thats is Redneck! I really don't like Labatts Blue

Any thoughts?

HEY , I drink Labatt's Blue GRRRRRRRRRRR

:lol:

skipper19 · October 17, 2012

Don't forget the fully illuminated, chromium plated ballsack hangin under the rear bumper of yer lifted truck. No true redneck can beat yer truck to the other end of the mud pit when you got an uncasterated bully dog kit complete with testosterone injection!

[ Post made via Android ]

skipper19 · October 17, 2012

Anyway after all the thought that has gone into this, and all the different ways I could try to fit in, I have come to the conclusion that it will just never work! and thats because there is one thing that keeps popping up! that one thing that will just not go away,

the ultimate disqualifer, the grand daddy of all things thats is Redneck! I really don't like Labatts Blue

Any thoughts?

HEY , I drink Labatt's Blue GRRRRRRRRRRR

NO NO NO,,,,,,Bob!....It's ....AWE-Grrrrrrrr

That's what a auger is!

[ Post made via Android ]

muskybob · October 17, 2012

I am only going 30 miles but definately in the rural direction.

I hope ya don't have to pedal uphill all the way

:lol: That's for the Blue comment

on the lam · October 17, 2012

I am only going 30 miles but definately in the rural direction.

I hope ya don't have to pedal uphill all the way

That's for the Blue comment

LOL :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

on the lam · October 17, 2012

So let me get this straight...... is the term "keepin' in the family" refers to what might happen with one or more of my wife neice's or cousins behind a barn, at the end of a pig roast/wedding !! stinkin' drunk?? :beer: :inlove:

Also is it appropriate to keep an article of clothing (bra/panties) to brag to my buddies with???

Sharky · October 17, 2012

This has turned into an awesome self improvement for red necks thread. :yes: I'm going to be really busy in the off season. But first a :beer: .

seasquirrel · October 17, 2012

Keepin it in the family will sure make the holidays easier. Dont have to fight about whos family your going to go to for Christmas this year. :yes:

GAMBLER · October 17, 2012

One thing I forgot was teeth. You need to lose all but one of your teeth so you look the part. Dentists are a thing of the past!

Patriot · October 17, 2012

Kinda hard to become a redneck, living only 30 miles from the big city, don't ya think? Besides, I figure a person is born a redneck. I know a guy who has been trying for years and still hasn't got it right.

Ya might be part redneck if you can pee anywhere within 1000 feet of your house without being seen by the neighbor, which I can. and guess what... you got it. :lol:

BSmaster · October 17, 2012

I find some of these stereo types hurtful. Some of the most intelligent people I know are rednecks. It doesn't matter how successful they are cuz everybody else just thinks they are idiots and morons because they might have slept with their cousin and eat a little road kill from time to time. One thing mentioned above is absolutely true. If you weren't a redneck yesterday there is no way at all you will ever become one tomorrow.

Tall Tails · October 17, 2012

If you weren't a redneck yesterday there is no way at all you will ever become one tomorrow.

When you start the t shirt sales I want one! :clap: :clap: preferably one with the grease stains! :rofl:

skipper19 · October 17, 2012

Sum reference fer ya ta go by Pete....some are from Lyntucky...and sum from Cornball..(corning)...cousin Rays crib.

upload pictures

Required t-shirt

image ru

Queen of yer 12 by 65 example

image hosting sites

Yer guard dog fer the yard...when he grows up :lol:

picture sharing

Redneck cooler

photo upload

Rays idear when the woman is feelin like swangin

image hosting sites

Example of a Lyntucky thanks givin

[ Post made via Android ]

ray koziatek · October 17, 2012

H ...E...YYY.! yaall come to the keys this winter and we'll drop some 1/4 sticks under the briges good fishing that way............

hermit · October 17, 2012

Killing something with an ax will impress any certified redneck.
lmbo

Hey cool hope it counts, I once had to take out a rabid raccoon with a crowbar. In my living room. Those were the days. :rofl:

Chas0218 · October 17, 2012

I thought rednecks all drank that disgusting piss-water Budweiser??

Its not that bad! haha :rofl:

That is all myself and my buddies drink but we might be considered rednecks.

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Advise on becoming a Redneck'

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